People of Earth! I come bearing good news and great tidings! Jack Thompson got disbarred! Huzzah! Huzzah! Huzzah!
Okay, I'm pretty sure I just lost all of you. Jack Thompson (lovingly referred to as "Jacko" by gamers like myself) is a lawyer from Florida who has spent his entire legal career trying to destroy one thing: Video games. He has stated on multiple occasions his beliefs on video games. In short, he essentially thinks that they are the cause to most of America's social problems.
Seriously, this guy is a nutcase. After the Virgina Tech shootings, he sent a letter to Bill Gates, whose Xbox console had a game, Counter-Strike, that Jacko believed was the sole cause of the Virgina Tech shooting: "Mr. Gates, your company is potentially legally liable (for) the harm done at Virginia Tech. Your game, a killing simulator, according to the news that used to be in the Post, trained him [the shooter] to enjoy killing and how to kill." Um... Microsoft didn't even make the game, Jacko. And this is just a mild one compared to others he's cooked up (that I won't post due to content).
Don't get me wrong, excessively violent video games disgust me, and I agree that mature games should be kept away from kids. But this guy's nuts. Even the reason he got disbarred was "professional misconduct." That's news slang for "crazy." This guy has been the bane of gamers' existence for over a decade, and now he has to leave us alone. I wanna break out into a song of "let my people go."
I know this doesn't make the rest of you want to do a jig like I do, but I just posted it to make a point:
Mess with the 1337, get pwnd.
Sweet Victory!
Simple Update
If you were hoping for yet another one of my incredibly witty and fairly amusing posts, I sincerely apologize for the soul-searing regret that I cause when I say that this post is simply an update of what I'm up to... which is actually what blogs are for, right?
Life's been super crazy. I just gave a presentation that 12 people's grades rode on (no pressure, right?), I'm teaching a lesson on Sunday, I'm supposed to extent 5 callings, and I have a history test on Friday. I know it sounds like weak sauce, but I'm the kinda guy that likes to get stuff done and be through with it, but I can't do that with these. But compared to last week, this stuff is cake.
Let's look at a positive side of awesome college life. I've gotten better grades this semester than any other in my whole school career (so far...), and I've pretty much been declared the Guitar Hero champion of the east side of the building. Not that that should come as a surprise to anyone... cough, cough...
Also, If for some reason you want a piece of music on my blog, let me know.
Quotations Compiled by Yours Truly
I love quotes, mainly because I can say something clever that I didn't even formulate, but I still get "oohs" and "ahhs" for my borrowed sophistication. But if you think that all of my favorite quotes are reverent and cultured, think again, my horribly mislead amigos. These are some good ones, whether they be inspiring or really stupid. Enjoy, and let me know what you think.
(P.S. the White Power Ranger won the vote! Seriously, you guys need to vote. It makes it so much more epic.)
"The most exciting phrase to hear in science, the one that heralds the most discoveries, is not Eureka! (I found it!) but 'That's funny...’"
-- Issac Asimov
"The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has its limits"
-- Albert Einstein
"Folk who don't know why America is the Land of Promise should be here during an election campaign."
-- Milton Berle
"I love women. They're the best thing ever created. If they want to be like men and come down to our level, that's fine."
-- Mel Gibson
" I think the worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades...or a game of fake heart attack."
-- Demetri Martin
"And God said, 'Let there be light' and there was light, but the Electricity Board said he would have to wait until Thursday to be connected."
-- Spike Milligan
"A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing."
-- Emo Philips
"Do you think that when they asked George Washington for ID that he just whipped out a quarter?"
-- Stephen Wright
""War is an ugly thing, but not the ugliest of things. The decayed and degraded state of moral and patriotic feeling which thinks that nothing is worth war is much worse. The person who has nothing for which he is willing to fight, nothing which is more important than his own personal safety, is a miserable creature and has no chance of being free unless made and kept so by the exertions of better men than himself."
--John Stuart Mill
New and Improved
Just in case you haven't noticed, the page's had a huge overhaul. It was getting kind of bland, so I thought that I'd make it interesting again. Besides the new color and template, I've also stuck in a picture slide show thing and more blog links (if you don't see yours in it, and you want it to be, let me know). Ooh, ooh! I also put in a new toy for you guys. Right below the playlist, there's a poll that I'll be changing every once in a while. Take a look-see, and have your voices heard, people of Earth. Add to that the fact that I'm changing the music more frequently now, and you've got yourself one friggin' awesome blog. Tell your friends.
So I was in one of my history classes today, and we were talking about slavery throughout the world during the 17th and 18th centuries, and I saw something that made me laugh to myself. Sitting two rows in front of me was possibly the only black student in class, and next to him was a girl that was the source of my amusement. She was just listening to the lecture, but as soon as the word "slavery" was said, she looked towards the guy and turned a shade of red you might find on the Japanese flag.
I hate racism. Hate it. But I don't think that means that we should all be colorblind. The black guy was acting totally normal through the whole class, but this girl next him was SO EMBARRASSED that the teacher would DARE mention slavery in current company. She was fidgeting the whole lecture and looked very uncomfortable and shy, all while trying to not look at the student. I literally had to cover my mouth to keep from laughing. It's history, kids.
Here's to overblown political correctness and all the entertainment it does and will provide.
The End of All Things.
I'm pretty sure that if the end of the world happens by way of scientific disaster, it's gonna happen here at Utah State. University of Utah and BYU do research, but they mainly focus on education. Utah State, however, is primarily a research institution. I already knew this a while back, but I had no friggin' idea what kind of heat this place was packing.
You've all heard of the Hadron Collider in France/Switzerland, right? The one that they say will end the world (it won't)? It's a type of particle accelerator, and I recently found out that we have a small one here on campus. Oh, and we're also playing with nuclear fusion (that's what they use in hydrogen bombs, kids), plasma containment (which can't be contained by any physical container, only energy), and epidemic research (which could mean we've got some diseases frozen somewhere on campus that we've never heard of). And in the science engineering building that I have my labs in? Just about every one had a radiation warning label on them.
Hey, don't get me wrong, I think all of this stuff is really, really cool. BEYOND cool. But I'm just saying that if you turn on the news and they say an experiment has gone wrong at Utah State, and you're within say, oh, two continents, hunker down, because you might not be leaving your basements for a while.
Trust me, a free-floating radioactive plasma virus is zero fun.
Oh... My...
Okay, so it's been a while since my last JibJab, so here's another. I apologize for the perversion of nature that has taken place, but it's so dang funny. Let me know what ya think. Oh, and just hit the pause thingy on the Playlist to shut it up so you can fully enjoy this one.
Go nuts. I have.
Zero Creativity
So my imagination's busted today, yet you people still demand entertainment. While I find this somewhat demanding, I, in the never-ending well of kindness that is my heart, shall still give you funnies.
These are actually from a comic that a friend referred me to on the interweb (I love that word). I take no credit from these, but hey, they're funny, so quit whining.
Back in Logan
BEHOLD THE FACE OF EVIL:
This stupid hunk of plastic has driven me to the bring of insanity. After hours of not being able to find one of the supposed 9,000+ solutions (bull crap), I finally got snapped out of it and realized the best way to deal with it: put the friggin' thing down. It still taunts me...
So I'm back up in Logan, and it is good to be back indeed. I was waiting in line at the Registrar's Office for about fifteen minutes, and I was finally next in line. But, behold! The fire alarm decided that life wasn't exciting enough, so it saw to it that much noise would come about. I'll never get that 15 mins. back. At least it wasn't 20, right?
First day of classes.
It's been a crazy one. The first professor was a mixture of the Joker and Brian Regan; aka funny yet slightly creepy. The Second guy pretty much spent the whole class telling us why we SHOULDN'T be taking the course. Why does he still work here? The institute teacher was pretty cool, too. He just returned a few weeks ago from being a mission president, so he focuses a lot on missionary work, which works for me quite well.
Tomorrow is my Business, Intelligent Life, and Physics classes. I'll let ya know how those turn out. Cheers.
Oh, and for the record, the "War" song? I'm not really an anti-war hippie nutcase. I just like the song...
I is in skool, gettin das grades.
It's good to be back in Logan, although it's kind of strange not to have the same people around. I'll get used to it. So I'm in Merrill hall, and the side I'm on is all freshman... except for me and my roomie, Austin. It's kinda weird to be the oldest and most mature one around (just laugh at it. I did). Derek was right when he said you can totally pick out the Freshmen. They look like frightened rabbits when they walk around campus. It's kinda funny, until you realize you did the exact same thing once.
A roomie rundown: Austin is sharing my room, and we're buds from last semester. Jeff is pretty cool, too. Parker and Nate... well, they never talk to us. They're either locked up in their room, or just leaving. Hey, it could be worse, right? (knock on wood).
So that's my situation right now, exciting as it is. I'll keep updating stuff. I'll eventually get some more funnies out there. Just be patient...
I'M GOIN' BACK TO UTAH STATE, BABY! You heard me all right, it's gonna be a party up there! And maybe I'll have time for homework too! We'll see...
I'm going to be up in Merrill Hall in south campus, with one of my good buddies as my roommate. I seriously can't wait to move in this week. It's going to be more epic than the Odyssey. Oedipus won't be involved, of course.
You're thinking, "why is he telling me this? He'll just be at school, so I can still read his super-awesome blog anyway (that's word for word)." Because I'll be back at USU, that just gives me that much more material to work with. See? Now we're all happy. I catch you guys later. I'm gonna go pack.
More funny pictures
This is more evidence of the amount of free time I have (too much). These are pretty good ones. Enjoy:
Really? Really really?
So I'm here at the Preston Rodeo, and I'm chattin' with the fam. Turns out that people actually read this thing. So I put a counter on it to see what the turnout was, and I'm almost at 500-ish. I thought it was mostly like some spammer hitting it or some accidental click-upons or something. I have a voice, people! It's like the old days in newspaper, back when people not only put up with my crazy stuff, but actually tried to enjoy it.
So I had a thought (if you're doing the whole "surprise" joke in your head right now: that joke died about the same time as Reagan. Just FYI). When you ask a person how they are, and they reply "all right," what's the first thing everyone thinks?
"JUST all right? I wonder what's wrong... are they okay?" Just think about the statement 'all right.' All is right, everything is fine, and right and good are just some loose translations of 'all right.' How did this comment become a passive way for crying out for help and/or attention? If someone says they're 'okay,''fine,' or even 'pretty good,' there's little concern. But 'all right' is uttered and every red flag in your brain goes flying up faster than the space shuttle.
Like I said, just something to think about. I say 'think' because there's really nothing you can do about it. Completely futile... like Ralph Nader's bid.
More Useless Facts.
I love these things. Like a bad case of the sniffles, why not share it with everyone? Here's some more of those facts that you didn't think you'd ever need... and probably don't.
Polar bear fur is not white, it's clear. In fact, polar bear skin is black, and their hair is hollow, which makes them act like fiber optics, directing sunlight to warn their skin.
If the human body had the same mass as the sun, it would actually produce more heat.
The Millennium Falcon's design was originally inspired by the shape of a hamburger with an olive on the side.
The average human dream lasts two to three seconds.
To get a gallon of milk, it takes about 345 squirts from a cow's udder.
The peach was the first fruit eaten on the moon.
Benjamin Franklin gave guitar lessons.
Men in Costa Rica can now be sent to prison for trying to hit on women.
One in ten Europeans were conceived in an Ikea bed, or so the company claims.
Steve Martin once worked at Disneyland selling maps and guidebooks.
There are nine muscles in the human ear.
Familia Updates.
Update on the family:
Brad's working at Lagoon as a tickets guy. He gets to deal with all of the angry people (at least until they dump them to customer services).
Michelle's doing great in Chicago. She's right in the middle of downtown. Like, RIGHT in the middle. Her apartment is about a mile away from the Sears Tower. Told ya.
John, Mel, Cooper, and Taylee are good as well. John's working with my dad now, and I have happily bestowed upon John the honorary title of "office monkey."
Mom's doing mom-ly stuff. She's also working as a poll worker later this year. Be nice to the poll-peeps.
Dad's working and being Cooper's favorite. It's a hard job. Cooper loves "gampa."
Max is getting old. He just recently had three teeth pulled, but he's always had bad ones. Tuffy is doing incredible, considering he's 17 years old. Frodo's still evil.
There ya go. I had to give one sooner or later. Peace out.
P.S. Women blink nearly twice as much as men.
Das is good, no?
So I think that the last post was pretty good. I'll eventually come up with something just as awesome. Keep checking. JibJab=hours of wasted time.
Mark's Blog
I put this together for Grandma and Grandpa. Surprise!
Useless facts
Speaking of facts, lets see what else Uncle Mark can remember from his old Davis High newspaper column days. For you see, when I was in the "Davis Dart," (go ahead and laugh), I was pretty well known for my Fergy's Useless Facts column. I miss it, so I'm going to take out my frustration on you poor saps. Enjoy:
-During eight years of Seinfeld, Cosmo Kramer went through Jerry Seinfeld's apartment door 284 times.
-At the end of "A Day in the Life," by John Lennon, there's a supersonic whistle that only dogs can hear.
-It takes twelve people twenty hours to make one Oscar statuette.
-In the asteroid scene in Star Wars: The Empire Strikes Back, one of the asteroids is actually a potato.
-In it's first year of circulation, Coca-Cola sold 25 bottles.
-The attatchment of human muscles to skin is what causes dimples.
-More toilets flush at the halftime of the Super Bowl than at any other time of the year.
-Baboons cannot throw overhand.
-Plants can suffer from jet lag.
I hope that was entertaining. Let me know if you want more sometime later.
Hunker down, folks
Was your Fourth of July awesome? I hope so, because you're going to have to live off that for months to come. Why, you say? Think about it: no holidays until the end of October. Sure, there are some filler ones (maybe I'm missing some. I hope that didn't offend anybody..), but as for the "major" ones... We're in a holiday drought. "Wait a minute," you say, "it's summer, so it can't be that bad." Ah, but that summer has no school, so the kids are yours. All day. Every day. For months.
I don't say this to scare you, but rather to... who am I kidding. I just scared the guts out of the parents. So one weekend, when things are stressful, go camping or something. Do holiday-like stuff without it being one "officially." I'm doing it (ALL the cool kids are doing it).
You'll thank me.
