'Tis the Time for Christmas

It's finally here! Man, I love it. I've been waiting all year for December to come rolling around. Like I said before, Christmas before Thanksgiving was a no-no, but now... you'll get to know just how Yule-crazy I really am. Make sure to wear a nog-resistant shirt.
First, horror story. On Black Friday, my family went to the mall sometime close to noon, as we didn't care for the insane rush of sale-mad people. But just because it was past 9 in the morning doesn't mean that all the crazies had left yet. It was like watching a barn full of cow catch fire: people scattering in all directions, looking to buy stuff they don't need with money they probably didn't have.
Anywho, sounds crowded, right? That's nothin'. You have to remember that I'm about 6'6" and not lacking in "broadness." Add size 15 feet to that, and you've got yourself a recipe for disaster. I can handle it when people step on my toes (their sheer size distributes the pressure, I guess), but I must have stepped on about two-dozen people's feet. I haven't said "excuse me" so often since either back in crowded London or the Great Allergen Summer of '05.
Apparently, I'm Mark the Foot Smasher.
Fear my iron feet.