Christmas Party in Preston

I just got back from the annual Beckstead Family Christmas Party. To be honest, it's close to a miracle that the family and I got back in one piece at all. About half of the roads were nearly completely covered by snow and, more often, ice. Every once in a while, you'd see a car that had spun out and was now stuck in a snowbank. I fell asleep on the way back, but my dad tallied it at six cars.
Isn't a known law of the Universe that, if there's ice on the road, you slow down? I guess some people had missed the memo. Drive slow and safe, peeps. Your car and your insurance premium will thank you.
On a happier note, I'm going back up to Utah State on the 5th. I love it up in Logan, so I'm looking forward to getting another semester in. This should be a good one.

I Love History Class.

My favorite school subject is easily History, and it has been for a long time. That explains why I enjoy my American History class so much. It was about two weeks ago when we were covering the Civil War (the class only covers the first half of the Nation's history), and Prof. Kimball played a song for us. It's a tune sometimes sung by the Irish volunteers in the Union Army.
See, back when the war first started, there was speculation that Britain would favor, or even send troops to help, the Confederate States of America (South). Because of the famines in Ireland years before, many Irishmen left the isle and went to America, and often saw it as a saving grace, as there was work and food here.
So when Britain, whom the Irish had never really been big fans of, threatened to interfere with the war, the immigrants were... unhappy. I've posted a link of the song that I mentioned earlier, "Opinions of Paddy Magee." It's the Irish soldiers in the Union army singing a warning of sorts to England to leave "Columbia" (USA) alone, or they'll get what's coming to them (which is interesting, considering that England had whipped America's trash in the War of 1812).
I like the song because it shows how much the Irish immigrants loved their new home. Listen to the words, and you'll get a kick out of it; if you can understand it, anyway.
And remember, "The American Nation can wail all creation."
(Copy and paste the link into your browser)

http://www.imeem.com/trump1tx/music/G4YPEAca/david_kincaid_opinions_of_paddy_magee/

Lists... Everybody loves lists...

Hey, I've been mooching off lists, so here's one that you guys can all steal from me. Edit it for yourself and slap it on your blog. You'll actually find out a few things when you do...

10 things you wish you could say to ten different people right now:
1. Dude, calm down.
2. I've had a crush on you for a while...
3. How can you still stand to talk to me? Thanks.
4. You're always there. [high five]
5. Get your priorities straight, now.
6. I lied...
7. Please just leave me alone...
8. You're the reason I'm here. Thanks, guys.
9. Prozac can do wonders.
10. Hygiene. Heard of it much?

9 Things people might not know about you:
1. I'm a business major.
2. I'm 100%, completely addicted to Chocolate Oranges (Terry's only. Florida Tropic brand=narsty.)
3. History is my favorite school subject.
4. I have mild Arnold-Chiari Brain Malformation (I'll live)
5. I worked at the Centerville Deseret Industries last summer.
6. I've gotten mono twice (you usually get it once, like chicken pox), and I didn't kiss anyone to get it either times.
7. I'm a True Dart, and Morgan's not! HAH!
8. My business/trench coat is my favorite piece of clothing ever.
9. Alfredo Sauce is like Crack to me.

8 ways to win your heart:
1. Have a good sense of humor.
2. Have a mature outlook on life.
3. Be able to have an intelligent conversation.
4. Despise Edward Cullen (major points there, ladies).
5. Be kind
6. Let me be a gentleman.
7. Be okay with my weirdness.
8. Love yourself.

7 awesome movies:
1. Lord of the Rings
2. Dark Knight
3. Court Jester.
4. Support Your Local Sheriff.
5. Titan A.E.
6. Star Wars.
7. A Christmas Story

6 things you do before you fall asleep:
1. Check Facebook
2. Probably eat something I shouldn't...
3. Brush Teeth.
4. Scriptures
5. Pray
6. Read a little something else if I want to.

5 people who mean a lot, no order:
1. Mom and Dad.
2. Grandma and Grandpa.
3. Derek.
4. Friends (won't fit on list.)
5. The wonderful women in my life.

4 things you don't like:
1. Seafood.
2. When technology doesn't work.
3. When guys disrespect women.
4. Snobby people.

3 things you like:
1. Rain. Lots of rain.
2. Kind words.
3. Music.

2 things you want to do before you die:
1. Teach (church, professor, whatever).
2. Find her.

1 confession:
1. I've lived my whole life in Utah, and I've never been skiing or snowboarding. Not once.

My (not Christmas) List

I visited Dave and Dawn's blog, and they have this list of things, and if you've done them, you bold 'em. "That looks might interesting," says I, and so I reverted to my pirate-y ways and stole it (well, they said to try it, so I guess it's not technically stealing... but a pirate won't tell ye that).
So here's my list. Yes, I'm being honest here, so don't start calling me out.
Unless you're looking for a fight, matey.
Argh...
1. Started your own blog
2. Slept under the stars
3. Played in a band
4. Visited Hawaii
5. Watched a meteor shower
6. Given more than you can afford to charity
7. Been to Disneyland
8. Climbed a mountain
9. Held a praying mantis (freaked me out. Me no likey bugs-folk)
10. Sang a solo
11. Bungee jumped
12. Visited Paris
13. Watched a lightning storm at sea
14. Taught yourself an art from scratch (cartoons)
15. Adopted a child
16. Had food poisoning (4th grade on Lagoon Day...)
17. Walked to the top of the Statue of Liberty
18. Grown your own vegetables
19. Seen the Mona Lisa in France
20. Slept on an overnight train
21. Had a pillow fight
22. Hitch hiked
23. Taken a sick day when you're not ill
24. Built a snow fort
25. Held a lamb
26. Gone skinny dipping
27. Run a Marathon
28. Ridden in a gondola in Venice
29. Seen a total eclipse
30. Watched a sunrise or sunset
31. Hit a home run
32. Been on a cruise
33. Seen Niagara Falls in person
34. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors
35. Seen an Amish community
36. Taught yourself a new language
37. Had enough money to be truly satisfied
38. Seen the Leaning Tower of Pisa in person
39. Gone rock climbing
40. Seen Michelangelo's David
41. Sung karaoke
42. Seen Old Faithful geyser erupt
43. Bought a stranger a meal at a restaurant (McDonald's is a restaurant, right?)
44. Visited Africa
45. Walked on a beach by moonlight
46. Been transported in an ambulance (knock on wood)
47. Had your portrait painted (drawn, actually)
48. Gone deep sea fishing
49. Seen the Sistine Chapel in person
50. Been to the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris
51. Gone scuba diving or snorkeling (kinda…)
52. Kissed in the rain
53. Played in the mud
54. Gone to a drive-in theater
55. Been in a movie
56. Visited the Great Wall of China
57. Started a business
58. Taken a martial arts class
59. Visited Russia
60. Served at a soup kitchen
61. Sold (eating counts for guys)Girl Scout Cookies
62. Gone whale watching
63. Got flowers for no reason
64. Donated blood, platelets or plasma
65. Gone sky diving
66. Visited a Nazi Concentration Camp
67. Bounced a check
68. Flown in a helicopter
69. Saved a favorite childhood toy
70. Visited the Lincoln Memorial
71. Eaten Caviar
72. Pieced a quilt
73. Stood in Times Square
74. Toured the Everglades
75. Been fired from a job
76. Seen the Changing of the Guards in London
77. Broken a bone
78. Been on a speeding motorcycle
79. Seen the Grand Canyon in person
80. Published a book
81. Visited the Vatican
82. Bought a brand new car
83. Walked in Jerusalem
84. Had your picture in the newspaper
85. Read the entire Bible
86. Visited the White House
87. Killed and prepared an animal for eating
88. Had chickenpox
89. Saved someone's life
90. Sat on a jury
91. Met someone famous
92. Joined a book club
93. Lost a loved one
94. Had a baby (uh… I think this a permanent failure for me)
95. Seen the Alamo in person
96. Swam in the Great Salt Lake
97. Been involved in a law suit
98. Owned a cell phone
99. Been stung by a bee

'Tis the Time for Christmas

It's finally here! Man, I love it. I've been waiting all year for December to come rolling around. Like I said before, Christmas before Thanksgiving was a no-no, but now... you'll get to know just how Yule-crazy I really am. Make sure to wear a nog-resistant shirt.
First, horror story. On Black Friday, my family went to the mall sometime close to noon, as we didn't care for the insane rush of sale-mad people. But just because it was past 9 in the morning doesn't mean that all the crazies had left yet. It was like watching a barn full of cow catch fire: people scattering in all directions, looking to buy stuff they don't need with money they probably didn't have.
Anywho, sounds crowded, right? That's nothin'. You have to remember that I'm about 6'6" and not lacking in "broadness." Add size 15 feet to that, and you've got yourself a recipe for disaster. I can handle it when people step on my toes (their sheer size distributes the pressure, I guess), but I must have stepped on about two-dozen people's feet. I haven't said "excuse me" so often since either back in crowded London or the Great Allergen Summer of '05.
Apparently, I'm Mark the Foot Smasher.
Fear my iron feet.

Way back when...

I guess I was hit by some kind of nostalgia today, and I looked up a video a bunch of us made last year at USU. A few of us in Greaves Hall got REALLY bored, and so we did some crazy stunts in the basement of the building, then put the videos in REVERSE. Wow, original, huh? The next generation of insanity, we were.
Anywho, this a video from last year, basement of Greaves Hall. You won't see me until the end of the video. While Austin and I were the main "directors," I was also the cameraman. Listen to how we tried to say our names backward at the end so when they were reversed... it didn't work out too well.
Oh, and just click "pause" on the music player so you can get sound for the video.

A Time and a Place for Everything

I love Christmas. It's easily my favorite time of the year. It's the snow, the music, the overall feeling of it that makes it the best. Christmas is awesome.
AFTER THANKSGIVING.
How could he say such a thing? It only comes once a year, so shouldn't we celebrate it early? Nay, says I. If you celebrate it too early, it can ruin the holiday. Let me explain:
The new Dragonforce album is coming out. Holy cow, Mark's freaking out! New album, baby! And to make it better, they've released a promo song from the CD a month early. We find Mark listening to it nonstop, and after two weeks, the song is getting old. By the time the new album comes out, Mark can't stand to hear the sound of Dragonforce without wanting to punch someone.
I'm not saying that I hate Christmas music by the time December 25th rolls around, but that if you jump the gun on Christmas, it can make the actual season seem less... special.
I'm not telling you how to celebrate the season (that's what Martha Stewart's for). But you might as well give it a try? Since when have I given you a reason to... you know what, I'd best not finish that.

So no


Until after


Please. It's for the kids.

College: don't ask

I don't have much to report, but I still want to post something. So, I thought I'd give you an idea of what I'm up to at college through photos. And by "what I'm up to," I mean all the things that's I'm doing that aren't the most... productive.
Enjoy, and remember, "don't ask."


Me, with a stool on my head. 'Nuff said.



My sneaky eyes.



Us, after the paint dance.



We had to get the paint off...



Austin jumped into the Logan River. I didn't. Who looks like the winner here?



The crazies who DID jump into the river.



Okay, it was REALLY late, and it wasn't the pose I asked them to do. (I'm not in this one. Thank goodness...)



Me in front of Angie's. One day, kitchen sink, one day...




HOCKEY! WHOO! KILL THE REF! SMASH 'IM!

I Hate/Love Technology

Anyone who know me KNOWS that I love technology. Computers, gadgets, useless tech, I want it all. However, at the same time, I absolutely HATE technology. It all kinda depends on what the tech is up to.
If something's working just fine, it's amazing. I like to tweak the stuff and play with it like a kitten with a ball of yarn. But, when it stops doing what it's supposed to do, it makes me nuts. True fact: EVERY piece of technology that I've owned that costs more than $70 has, at some point, either broken (not my fault) or just plain freaked out. Zune, phones, Xbox, palm, lappy... they all turned evil for a time.
I say this not complain, but to... actually, I think I am just complaining. In fact, if you have a tech-related waking nightmare, put it in the comments. It'll make the rest of us feel a bit better knowing that we're not the only ones with digital cross hairs on our foreheads.

The Howl

If you've never heard of the Howl, I either you didn't pay attention in awesome class or you've been dead for 30 years. For those of you who DON'T know, the Howl is the Halloween Party hosted by Utah State University, and it's off the hook. It's famous for being one of the biggest college parties in the nation; people come from out-of-state to come this thing, and rightly so. Thousands of crazy students show up. When you go in, there's a labyrinth that the engineers put together, along with a dance company dressed as puppets that randomly start dancing together. It's something out of a Michael Jackson music video (back when he was cool).
So here's my costume. Leave a guess in the comments area as to what I was:

Let There Be Paint

For the past seven years, during Utah State's Homecoming Week, the school puts on something called the "Paint Dance." While this may sound like some lame exhibit of an up-and-coming modern 'artist,' it's actually exactly what it appears to be: dance + paint. A bunch of rabid college students plunge into a huge plastic tent (as not to get the stuff on the DJ's equipment), grab cupfulls of paint, and chuck it at each other with no mercy. To make it even cooler, they installed a bunch of blacklights to make the paint glow, along with the white shirts that everyone wore.
I didn't get hit too hard. My pants were splashed on the side, but not too bad. My face was pretty covered, and my shirt got most of its battle scars from Austin using it as a handkerchief. Why? Because the guy was COVERED from head to toe in paint. I swear to you, it was in LAYERS. It soaked through his clothes, covered his hair, got in his ears, nose, and he even had a bit hanging out on his contacts at one point (hence the frequent use of a handkerchief, aka me). Under the blacklights, he glowed like a shirtless Swede.
Just how bad was it? If you wanna see, I'll have the pics up on Facebook ASAP. If you don't have Facebook:
-First of all; just get one. Seriously, the whole "I'm not conforming to a social network thing" isn't cool anymore. Even non-conformists are using it, and so that makes you a non-non-conformist. And what happens when you add two negatives? You get a positive... conformist...
-If you still don't wanna, find someone with an account. The pics are worth it, trust me. And who doesn't trust ME?

Making Myself Sore

Almost every day, I have about 2 hours-ish after classes before I actually start to do stuff. Yeah, stuff. Most of the time, I just chill and be lazy. No more, says I. I've decided to pull a stupid: I'm gonna start working out again.
Well, I DID start working out again. Yesterday was the first day, and it was pretty cool. I'd forgotten what the adrenaline rush of pumping iron felt like. But this morning... not so good. My muscles are destroyed, and that makes the body think to itself "why did I do that? That was really stupid, why would I do that again? I need time to rest."
However, in the red corner we have the mind. "It's called working out, remember? We did it waaaay back when? It'll hurt for the first while, but you'll look better." "Are you nuts? I just ripped myself apart for this and that blah, blah...."
That's kind of how the argument goes, but the mind finally wins. So now, the body's angry at it, and I'm mad at it.
Not very good odds for my mind.

Of Boards, Tie-Dye, and Meetings

This week I had to take up my "Vice Presidential Duties" and update the display for the RHA bulletin board in Merrill Hall. Daunting task, I know. I eventually decided to go with an old favorite of mine: the list of useless facts. After over an hour and a half, I finished the thing, realizing that I took WAY too much time to do it. Next time you're in Logan, stop by and check it out. It's a sight to behold.
Yesterday, South Campus had a tie-dye party on the front lawn (I think the RA's put in on), and it was epic. They had t-shirts for people to color and design, and I, in reference to past experiences, decided to take some socks to make instead. Why? When you're my size, you can NEVER expect them to have something in your size. Adjust accordingly; hence the socks. They'll be Aggie Blue when they're finished, and they'll be my lucky hockey-game socks.
Lastly, after the hippie-inspired shenanigans, I had an Area Government meeting for about an hour, and immediately after that I had an Elders Quorum Pres. meeting. Okay, so do you know why the ward leaders keep bugging you about home teaching? Because it's HARD to set up! Take this from one with experience. We were in the meeting for TWO HOURS before we were finished. But hey, someone's gotta do it, right?
So you can see it's pretty nuts up here. Add to that homework, church, and keeping the girls from 312 away (don't ask). I don't tell you these to brag, but to say that I'm actually doing things up here that don't always rely on either sleep-drunkeness or a video game console. Shocking...

Virtual High-Five

I needed a ride down to Kaysville so I could be home for conference weekend (as my parents asked of me), but I couldn't find one. Luckily, I have the coolest grandparents in the world. I called and asked if they'd give me lift on their way down, and they said I could, but grandpa needed to drop by the bank for a bit and grandma wanted to pick some groceries out at Sam's Club, and she invited me to come with.
While we were there, I got a reminder of just how incredibly awesome our grandma is. She was telling me stories, listening to mine, and was constantly offering to spoil me by buying me food (she got me some awesome pot pies, but I wouldn't let her buy me anything else. It was tough). On the way to pick up grandpa from the bank, we continued talking and I learned a few things, as I often do when I'm around grandma and grandpa.
Basically, I'm just saying that we should all be grateful for our Grandma, as she's about the best they come. If you're one of the few that isn't in the Beckstead Bunch that actually reads this, make sure to thank your grandparents as well... even though ours are better.
So grandma, here's a virtual high-five to ya. You rock, hence the totally inappropriate tribute pic below.

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Of News and Rock

A few things to report. Firstly, we have a new roommate. His name's Gene (at least his English name), and he's from Hong Kong. Yeah, he got here a little late, but what they actually do here is there's this Chinese professor that finds the best students around the world in his field and pays them to come out here and work/research with him. I don't know much about Gene, as I've only seen him three times, as he's never home. But hey, we've got a while, right?
I think my cold's finally gone, knock on wood. I also got to put my excellent paper BSing skills to use: I had to write a paper on a book that I only got 1/4 the way through, and I had to write an essay for a test on a subject that I wasn't at class for, and I got a B+. I know that this sounds like a flash of genius among my many other... mental flaws. But don't thank me, kids. This amazing talent is a direct genetic hand-me-down from Dad. His superior genetic material is what's to blame for this amazing happenstance.
Also, I've discovered one of my greatest talents: air guitar. I mean, sure, everyone can jam out to an invisible instrument of awesomeness now and again, but I've had people tell me that I can rock out (or at least I could, if it didn't look so dorky). Give me a song that I'm familiar with, and I'll make the rock gods jealous with my bodacious miming.


THIS IS NOT ME

Sweet Victory!

People of Earth! I come bearing good news and great tidings! Jack Thompson got disbarred! Huzzah! Huzzah! Huzzah!
Okay, I'm pretty sure I just lost all of you. Jack Thompson (lovingly referred to as "Jacko" by gamers like myself) is a lawyer from Florida who has spent his entire legal career trying to destroy one thing: Video games. He has stated on multiple occasions his beliefs on video games. In short, he essentially thinks that they are the cause to most of America's social problems.
Seriously, this guy is a nutcase. After the Virgina Tech shootings, he sent a letter to Bill Gates, whose Xbox console had a game, Counter-Strike, that Jacko believed was the sole cause of the Virgina Tech shooting: "Mr. Gates, your company is potentially legally liable (for) the harm done at Virginia Tech. Your game, a killing simulator, according to the news that used to be in the Post, trained him [the shooter] to enjoy killing and how to kill." Um... Microsoft didn't even make the game, Jacko. And this is just a mild one compared to others he's cooked up (that I won't post due to content).
Don't get me wrong, excessively violent video games disgust me, and I agree that mature games should be kept away from kids. But this guy's nuts. Even the reason he got disbarred was "professional misconduct." That's news slang for "crazy." This guy has been the bane of gamers' existence for over a decade, and now he has to leave us alone. I wanna break out into a song of "let my people go."
I know this doesn't make the rest of you want to do a jig like I do, but I just posted it to make a point:
Mess with the 1337, get pwnd.

Simple Update

If you were hoping for yet another one of my incredibly witty and fairly amusing posts, I sincerely apologize for the soul-searing regret that I cause when I say that this post is simply an update of what I'm up to... which is actually what blogs are for, right?
Life's been super crazy. I just gave a presentation that 12 people's grades rode on (no pressure, right?), I'm teaching a lesson on Sunday, I'm supposed to extent 5 callings, and I have a history test on Friday. I know it sounds like weak sauce, but I'm the kinda guy that likes to get stuff done and be through with it, but I can't do that with these. But compared to last week, this stuff is cake.
Let's look at a positive side of awesome college life. I've gotten better grades this semester than any other in my whole school career (so far...), and I've pretty much been declared the Guitar Hero champion of the east side of the building. Not that that should come as a surprise to anyone... cough, cough...
Also, If for some reason you want a piece of music on my blog, let me know.

Quotations Compiled by Yours Truly

I love quotes, mainly because I can say something clever that I didn't even formulate, but I still get "oohs" and "ahhs" for my borrowed sophistication. But if you think that all of my favorite quotes are reverent and cultured, think again, my horribly mislead amigos. These are some good ones, whether they be inspiring or really stupid. Enjoy, and let me know what you think.
(P.S. the White Power Ranger won the vote! Seriously, you guys need to vote. It makes it so much more epic.)

"The most exciting phrase to hear in science, the one that heralds the most discoveries, is not Eureka! (I found it!) but 'That's funny...’"
-- Issac Asimov

"The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has its limits"
-- Albert Einstein

"Folk who don't know why America is the Land of Promise should be here during an election campaign."
-- Milton Berle

"I love women. They're the best thing ever created. If they want to be like men and come down to our level, that's fine."
-- Mel Gibson

" I think the worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades...or a game of fake heart attack."
-- Demetri Martin

"And God said, 'Let there be light' and there was light, but the Electricity Board said he would have to wait until Thursday to be connected."
-- Spike Milligan

"A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing."
-- Emo Philips

"Do you think that when they asked George Washington for ID that he just whipped out a quarter?"
-- Stephen Wright

""War is an ugly thing, but not the ugliest of things. The decayed and degraded state of moral and patriotic feeling which thinks that nothing is worth war is much worse. The person who has nothing for which he is willing to fight, nothing which is more important than his own personal safety, is a miserable creature and has no chance of being free unless made and kept so by the exertions of better men than himself."
--John Stuart Mill

New and Improved

Just in case you haven't noticed, the page's had a huge overhaul. It was getting kind of bland, so I thought that I'd make it interesting again. Besides the new color and template, I've also stuck in a picture slide show thing and more blog links (if you don't see yours in it, and you want it to be, let me know). Ooh, ooh! I also put in a new toy for you guys. Right below the playlist, there's a poll that I'll be changing every once in a while. Take a look-see, and have your voices heard, people of Earth. Add to that the fact that I'm changing the music more frequently now, and you've got yourself one friggin' awesome blog. Tell your friends.
So I was in one of my history classes today, and we were talking about slavery throughout the world during the 17th and 18th centuries, and I saw something that made me laugh to myself. Sitting two rows in front of me was possibly the only black student in class, and next to him was a girl that was the source of my amusement. She was just listening to the lecture, but as soon as the word "slavery" was said, she looked towards the guy and turned a shade of red you might find on the Japanese flag.
I hate racism. Hate it. But I don't think that means that we should all be colorblind. The black guy was acting totally normal through the whole class, but this girl next him was SO EMBARRASSED that the teacher would DARE mention slavery in current company. She was fidgeting the whole lecture and looked very uncomfortable and shy, all while trying to not look at the student. I literally had to cover my mouth to keep from laughing. It's history, kids.
Here's to overblown political correctness and all the entertainment it does and will provide.

The End of All Things.

I'm pretty sure that if the end of the world happens by way of scientific disaster, it's gonna happen here at Utah State. University of Utah and BYU do research, but they mainly focus on education. Utah State, however, is primarily a research institution. I already knew this a while back, but I had no friggin' idea what kind of heat this place was packing.
You've all heard of the Hadron Collider in France/Switzerland, right? The one that they say will end the world (it won't)? It's a type of particle accelerator, and I recently found out that we have a small one here on campus. Oh, and we're also playing with nuclear fusion (that's what they use in hydrogen bombs, kids), plasma containment (which can't be contained by any physical container, only energy), and epidemic research (which could mean we've got some diseases frozen somewhere on campus that we've never heard of). And in the science engineering building that I have my labs in? Just about every one had a radiation warning label on them.
Hey, don't get me wrong, I think all of this stuff is really, really cool. BEYOND cool. But I'm just saying that if you turn on the news and they say an experiment has gone wrong at Utah State, and you're within say, oh, two continents, hunker down, because you might not be leaving your basements for a while.
Trust me, a free-floating radioactive plasma virus is zero fun.

Oh... My...

Okay, so it's been a while since my last JibJab, so here's another. I apologize for the perversion of nature that has taken place, but it's so dang funny. Let me know what ya think. Oh, and just hit the pause thingy on the Playlist to shut it up so you can fully enjoy this one.
Go nuts. I have.

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Zero Creativity

So my imagination's busted today, yet you people still demand entertainment. While I find this somewhat demanding, I, in the never-ending well of kindness that is my heart, shall still give you funnies.
These are actually from a comic that a friend referred me to on the interweb (I love that word). I take no credit from these, but hey, they're funny, so quit whining.

Back in Logan

BEHOLD THE FACE OF EVIL:



This stupid hunk of plastic has driven me to the bring of insanity. After hours of not being able to find one of the supposed 9,000+ solutions (bull crap), I finally got snapped out of it and realized the best way to deal with it: put the friggin' thing down. It still taunts me...

So I'm back up in Logan, and it is good to be back indeed. I was waiting in line at the Registrar's Office for about fifteen minutes, and I was finally next in line. But, behold! The fire alarm decided that life wasn't exciting enough, so it saw to it that much noise would come about. I'll never get that 15 mins. back. At least it wasn't 20, right?

First day of classes.

It's been a crazy one. The first professor was a mixture of the Joker and Brian Regan; aka funny yet slightly creepy. The Second guy pretty much spent the whole class telling us why we SHOULDN'T be taking the course. Why does he still work here? The institute teacher was pretty cool, too. He just returned a few weeks ago from being a mission president, so he focuses a lot on missionary work, which works for me quite well.
Tomorrow is my Business, Intelligent Life, and Physics classes. I'll let ya know how those turn out. Cheers.
Oh, and for the record, the "War" song? I'm not really an anti-war hippie nutcase. I just like the song...

I is in skool, gettin das grades.

It's good to be back in Logan, although it's kind of strange not to have the same people around. I'll get used to it. So I'm in Merrill hall, and the side I'm on is all freshman... except for me and my roomie, Austin. It's kinda weird to be the oldest and most mature one around (just laugh at it. I did). Derek was right when he said you can totally pick out the Freshmen. They look like frightened rabbits when they walk around campus. It's kinda funny, until you realize you did the exact same thing once.
A roomie rundown: Austin is sharing my room, and we're buds from last semester. Jeff is pretty cool, too. Parker and Nate... well, they never talk to us. They're either locked up in their room, or just leaving. Hey, it could be worse, right? (knock on wood).
So that's my situation right now, exciting as it is. I'll keep updating stuff. I'll eventually get some more funnies out there. Just be patient...

I'M GOIN' BACK TO UTAH STATE, BABY! You heard me all right, it's gonna be a party up there! And maybe I'll have time for homework too! We'll see...
I'm going to be up in Merrill Hall in south campus, with one of my good buddies as my roommate. I seriously can't wait to move in this week. It's going to be more epic than the Odyssey. Oedipus won't be involved, of course.
You're thinking, "why is he telling me this? He'll just be at school, so I can still read his super-awesome blog anyway (that's word for word)." Because I'll be back at USU, that just gives me that much more material to work with. See? Now we're all happy. I catch you guys later. I'm gonna go pack.

More funny pictures

This is more evidence of the amount of free time I have (too much). These are pretty good ones. Enjoy:

Really? Really really?

So I'm here at the Preston Rodeo, and I'm chattin' with the fam. Turns out that people actually read this thing. So I put a counter on it to see what the turnout was, and I'm almost at 500-ish. I thought it was mostly like some spammer hitting it or some accidental click-upons or something. I have a voice, people! It's like the old days in newspaper, back when people not only put up with my crazy stuff, but actually tried to enjoy it.
So I had a thought (if you're doing the whole "surprise" joke in your head right now: that joke died about the same time as Reagan. Just FYI). When you ask a person how they are, and they reply "all right," what's the first thing everyone thinks?
"JUST all right? I wonder what's wrong... are they okay?" Just think about the statement 'all right.' All is right, everything is fine, and right and good are just some loose translations of 'all right.' How did this comment become a passive way for crying out for help and/or attention? If someone says they're 'okay,''fine,' or even 'pretty good,' there's little concern. But 'all right' is uttered and every red flag in your brain goes flying up faster than the space shuttle.
Like I said, just something to think about. I say 'think' because there's really nothing you can do about it. Completely futile... like Ralph Nader's bid.

More Useless Facts.

I love these things. Like a bad case of the sniffles, why not share it with everyone? Here's some more of those facts that you didn't think you'd ever need... and probably don't.
Polar bear fur is not white, it's clear. In fact, polar bear skin is black, and their hair is hollow, which makes them act like fiber optics, directing sunlight to warn their skin.
If the human body had the same mass as the sun, it would actually produce more heat.
The Millennium Falcon's design was originally inspired by the shape of a hamburger with an olive on the side.
The average human dream lasts two to three seconds.
To get a gallon of milk, it takes about 345 squirts from a cow's udder.
The peach was the first fruit eaten on the moon.
Benjamin Franklin gave guitar lessons.
Men in Costa Rica can now be sent to prison for trying to hit on women.
One in ten Europeans were conceived in an Ikea bed, or so the company claims.
Steve Martin once worked at Disneyland selling maps and guidebooks.
There are nine muscles in the human ear.

Familia Updates.

Update on the family:
Brad's working at Lagoon as a tickets guy. He gets to deal with all of the angry people (at least until they dump them to customer services).
Michelle's doing great in Chicago. She's right in the middle of downtown. Like, RIGHT in the middle. Her apartment is about a mile away from the Sears Tower. Told ya.
John, Mel, Cooper, and Taylee are good as well. John's working with my dad now, and I have happily bestowed upon John the honorary title of "office monkey."
Mom's doing mom-ly stuff. She's also working as a poll worker later this year. Be nice to the poll-peeps.
Dad's working and being Cooper's favorite. It's a hard job. Cooper loves "gampa."
Max is getting old. He just recently had three teeth pulled, but he's always had bad ones. Tuffy is doing incredible, considering he's 17 years old. Frodo's still evil.
There ya go. I had to give one sooner or later. Peace out.
P.S. Women blink nearly twice as much as men.

Das is good, no?

So I think that the last post was pretty good. I'll eventually come up with something just as awesome. Keep checking. JibJab=hours of wasted time.

Mark's Blog

I put this together for Grandma and Grandpa. Surprise!

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Useless facts

So I put the monitor from the old computer onto the new one, so it has two monitors. You're on it right now! Just a little fun fact for my raving fans.
Speaking of facts, lets see what else Uncle Mark can remember from his old Davis High newspaper column days. For you see, when I was in the "Davis Dart," (go ahead and laugh), I was pretty well known for my Fergy's Useless Facts column. I miss it, so I'm going to take out my frustration on you poor saps. Enjoy:
-During eight years of Seinfeld, Cosmo Kramer went through Jerry Seinfeld's apartment door 284 times.
-At the end of "A Day in the Life," by John Lennon, there's a supersonic whistle that only dogs can hear.
-It takes twelve people twenty hours to make one Oscar statuette.
-In the asteroid scene in Star Wars: The Empire Strikes Back, one of the asteroids is actually a potato.
-In it's first year of circulation, Coca-Cola sold 25 bottles.
-The attatchment of human muscles to skin is what causes dimples.
-More toilets flush at the halftime of the Super Bowl than at any other time of the year.
-Baboons cannot throw overhand.
-Plants can suffer from jet lag.
I hope that was entertaining. Let me know if you want more sometime later.

Hunker down, folks

Was your Fourth of July awesome? I hope so, because you're going to have to live off that for months to come. Why, you say? Think about it: no holidays until the end of October. Sure, there are some filler ones (maybe I'm missing some. I hope that didn't offend anybody..), but as for the "major" ones... We're in a holiday drought. "Wait a minute," you say, "it's summer, so it can't be that bad." Ah, but that summer has no school, so the kids are yours. All day. Every day. For months.
I don't say this to scare you, but rather to... who am I kidding. I just scared the guts out of the parents. So one weekend, when things are stressful, go camping or something. Do holiday-like stuff without it being one "officially." I'm doing it (ALL the cool kids are doing it).
You'll thank me.

More Pictures

Yep, more of 'em. Except these are from my yard. Extreme close-ups, baby!

My Cell Phone

I've been many places, like... Smith's... and... the Mall. Anyway, during those travels, I've seen many things that made me laugh, think, or just raise an eyebrow. Here's a few pics from my phone that you might find entertaining.


This was on a card I found at Target


This is a book cover at Bukoos. Those French sure know how to make 'em.


This was a big picture in the men's department in Wal-Mart. This guy is the definition of "pansy."

I'm a terrible person.

That's right, I'm horrible. I did a terrible thing by making all of you people wait anxiously every day for my triumphant return to writing. I apologize... To make it up, here's a laugh. I like it because it reminds me back when I digged Pokemon. Before it sucked:

Not much to report.

That's exactly why I haven't updated in a while: there's not much happening. That's what comes about when you have mono. You do pretty much nothing. It's pretty fun, let me tell ya. I WILL get some news sooner or later, so keep checking. If you feel like it. Please do.

Mono=boredom

Yes, the equation is very, very true. Because of mono, my ability to do pretty much anything has reached a number very close to zero. Now I find myself incredibly bored. I miss going outside, I miss having energy, I even miss going to work! Shocker!
Why am I telling you this? To help you remember something: don't get mono. How, do you ask? I don't know, you're the one who asked...

What the?...

Hey, lookie here. Mark's changed his blog around! Now, don't get confused and what not; everything is pretty much the same. You can still turn off my annoying music by pushing the pause button, and you can still leave comments. Please do; I don't know if you're reading this if you don't leave comments...
So nothing really exciting to report. I'm in the middle of a mono relapse at the moment (awwww, poor Mark). I'm not going for pity points here, really. But what ticks me off is that I didn't get it from kissing anyone the first time. Or this time. Where is the justice?
The DI's great, and I love working there. Although I have to say that a LOT of the people that shop there are stupid. Not because they're at the DI, mind you, but rather because a LOT of people try to steal stuff. It's fun to see their reactions when a 6'5" monster catches them. Priceless... Make sure to stop in at the Centerville DI to say "hi." Or buy something. No stealing.

My New Toy

I know it's pretty nerdy, but...



Check it out!
My new video card: nVidia GeForce 8500GT. Oh, yeah. Behold it's majestic glory. I know it seems petty, but hey, I think it's cool, and this is my blog, so there.

Funny Pictures

As many of you know, I'm a collector of sorts. I don't collect buttons, stamps, or cards, but rather funny pictures. Most of them are the result of too many boring hours at Utah State. But here are some of my favorites:

Something Funny.

Unlike most of my funny pic posts, this one is real. This was us playing "stick pull" in Nauvoo. The other guy is Jonny. The game was over pretty quickly...

Mark's got a JOB!

Yeah, I know that I shouldn't be so excited. I'm only working for the summer, so it's nothing long term. I have found full-time employment at... drum roll please...


THE DI!

Yeah, it's a pretty sweet gig. I start Monday.
Yeah!

Nauvoo Continued...

So Nauvoo was epic beyond description. We went to Independence, Omaha, Quincey, Farr West, and of course Nauvoo. I've been to a lot of the places before, but they were more of a sight-seeing thing. This time, it was more spiritual (aka better). If you want to see some pics, go to shepardcreekysa.com and look at... stuff. If there's not much on it, relax, the rest will be up soon. Or so I'm told...

Nauvoo

I guess it's official: I'm headed to Nauvoo for a second time. I'm moving out on Friday with the Oakridge Stake's singles ward. We'll be stopping at Winter Quarters, Independence, etc. on the way there. It sounds really awesome, but I just have one thing that I'm absolutely fearing: the bus ride. I really, REALLY HATE long car/bus/plane rides. When I went to Europe, it was an eight hour flight with us being stalled for 5 hours on the tarmac. I wanted to hurt someone.
But that aside, I'm actually pretty excited for it. I'll get to see some people that I haven't hung out with since high school. It'll be interesting, to say the very least.

Here at the end of all things.

It's still hard for me to believe that I've already finished a whole year of college. And what a crazy year it was. I made friends (and an enemy or two), hung out with people, studied, LOTS of homework, Wal-Mart runs, gymnastics, dealt with crazy people, gave rides, and was an all-around nut. I'm going to miss it a lot, but I'll be back in a few years. I think it's only fair to give the University a while to prepare for my triumphant return.

The Perfect Representation

If you REALLY want to know what I've been up to, this explains it all: